All posts filed under: Relationships

One simple way to dramatically improve your relationships: Listen, then emotionally validate.

Last night Yeow An invited me to RG, and the topic of emotional intimacy/ empathy came up. So today I would like to share something powerful that I’d learnt from Monica, a really cool counsellor from REACH Counselling. It’s the concept of “emotional validation”. First, I’d explain how to do it, then I’d provide the context to how I realised that there was such a thing. How to do emotional validation Step 1: Listen to the person. Step 2: Find a way to validate your partner’s views. Emotional validation needs not necessarily come as a result of conflict. It comes as a result of speech. For instance, if your boyfriend holds your hand, you can always emotionally validate by saying “I really like it when you hold my hand; it makes me feel secure.” Or, you can emotionally validate sharings. Like if a friend were to share her views on “Why people should not eat animals”, you can always validate her view by saying “I really liked the part when you said XYZ, it’s so smart because of ABCDE…” Validation does not …

The beauty of Finnish culture: Sequence, timing and kindness.

Just now when I was watching the channel 8 drama with Mommy, there was this storyline which intrigued me. It was about this lady who got raped by stranger X when she was a teenager. Ten years later, she got engaged to a guy. However, before she left with him to Australia, she discovered that this guy was actually X who raped her. 😮 This implies that even after raping the girl, X actually still liked her enough to (strategise to?) woo her ten years later. She even did eventually fall in love with him, and agreed to his wedding proposal. Yet, because she later found out that he was the rapist, she broke off the engagement. What is the moral of the story? The importance of sequence and timing.  No, seriously, just take a moment to think about it. I’m not in any way trying to trivialise the severity of rape as a crime–rape is obviously wrong and should be condemned at all costs. Anyway the odds of such a scenario happening in real life is 1/100000000, …

The simple reason why some successful politicians/businessmen have affairs.

Yesterday I read this news of Minister of Parliament David Ong committing adultery with a very pretty party member Wendy Lim.  Recently I’d been researching on divorce procedures in Singapore, so the news caught my attention. Well, adultery is one of the three grounds for divorce, and being cheated on is obviously quite painful for the other party in the marriage. Apparently it was Ms. Lim’s husband who reported the affair to the political party. Having said that, I was truly in awe of Lianhe Zaobao’s speed of digging up news! Their investigative journalists are impressive–within a day they dug up who David Ong had the affair with, who was angry about the affair, effectively ignoring any pleas of David Ong for privacy. The scandal spread like wildfire too, especially on hardwarezone forum. And I was also surprised to note how pretty Wendy Lim is, despite being in her 40s. By 6.30pm she had to fully privatise her facebook account. But today I want to blog about the one simple reason as to why I think male politicians/ businessmen commit adultery. For …