Today I want to write a quick post on the three reasons as to why we can immediately delete the word “should” from our vocabularies.
Ready? Here goes!
Reason #1: The word “should” deludes.
It’s very clear that everyone has different value systems.
For example, when you meet someone at work or in school, that person will have a different value system and therefore priorities vis-a-vis yourself.
Let’s say you have this narcissistic head who happens to be totally irresponsible, backing out of tasks that are agreed upon prior. This narcissism happens to also be verifiable. For instance, when she gives interviews, she will accept interviews that credits the success of the particular event all about herself and say absolutely nothing about the hardworking team. She will also reject interviews that are about her team so that the limelight is entirely onto herself.
In short, she’s seems to be a narcissistic lady, and you only unfortunately realised it after the event is done. And yes, I’m talking about a real person and a recent event..
So, post-event, instead of saying “She’s so irresponsible because she should have done A, B, C, D, which was as promised”, we could consider rephrasing it to “She’s so irresponsible in this project because she did not do A, B, C, D as mutually agreed upon in black and white.”
This subtle rephrasing removes all value-judgements, and forces the brain to reframe the context into one that is focused on reality. Basically, the second structure allows one to be able to verify and check if A,B,C,D is (1) indeed promised, and (2) indeed done, whereas the former structure forces one to judge the narcissistic lady.
Therefore, in future working “opportunities” with this lady, one can rationally evaluate whether to collaborate with her based on the experience of this first event, instead of keeping the paradigm to a subjective, condemning one.
Reason #2: The word “should” kills all possibilities.
The word “should” actually takes your focus away on what is.
And this is very limiting.
For example, if the society values say…financial wealth, and your parents preach “You should be rich if not you are a downright failure”, then you might start to condemn yourself even if you are doing much good deeds without proportionate financial compensation. These works can include volunteering, serving the community pro bono, etc.
When you use the word “should”, it kills of all personal possibilities of doing the above mentioned meaningful but lowly compensated jobs.
In addition, using the word “should” in your conversations kills possibilities with the person you are talking to. You’d stop listening and seeing the person for who he/she is.
Even if something is part of the official responsibility of the person, and it is reasonable for one to assume that he or she “should” do something since it is part of the job scope, get rid of the word anyway.
Because life is not a blame game. If you want to work effectively with someone, it is important to listen well and adapt your working style to the other person. Focus on reality constantly.
For focusing on what is will empower you to work well with more types of people and stay constantly in tuned with what is verifiable.
Reason #3: The word “should” makes you lose focus on what you truly want.
It’s important to live life on your terms. I’m sure this is something most people agree on.
If you find that there are too many “should”s used in your vocabulary, speech and thoughts, it’s likely that you don’t really know what you really want, or don’t really prioritise your well-being.
If that is the case, is this a life really lived on your terms? I know some Singaporeans who don’t even know what they personally want in life, and that’s really something quite scary.
So instead of using “I should have been more hardworking”, change the phrasing to “I want to be more hardworking because…” If you can’t find an authentic, compelling reason to follow “because”, then strike that “should” off your to-do list.
Well, this is again a post inspired from a lengthy conversation with my wise business mentors. Take the wealth creation blueprint now!
Have a great week ahead~