“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
Quick post before I go to sleep. hehe. ^^ I’m having insomnia at 6am 😦
Um. For the past one year I’d been doing a lot of research on weddings/marriage, and this year I’d started on my research on divorce in the Singaporean context.
No divorce can happen without a marriage. So, if you don’t want a divorce for sure, don’t get married. Because humans change and grow all the time.
So, let me just say this. Why would anyone ever want the ideal love to be unchanging? I think that’s very unhealthy, and the mass media/ fairy tales have drilled this notion into us so much that it has become a popular ideal. People start to associate “happily ever after” with an unchanging sort of love. This is a huge pity, for if a man and a woman grow in a similar direction, their love should be stronger, not unchanging. If however, this direction diverges, e.g. a man or woman cheats on his/her partner, then it really is just too regrettable, because people change all the time.
I am not sure if most people accept the “just too regrettable” notion. Most people who get cheated on usually blame themselves for their flaws. Um–but the thing is, if a partner had a change of heart and you didn’t, then why is it your problem? It just is regrettable that he had a change of heart and you did not.
The explanation I often hear to this is “But I can change myself if he/she is not happy with me.” The reality, however, is that to him/her at that particular point in time, you are already ranked slightly lower relative to an alternative partner. So it’s really regrettable. When a person has a change of heart, I’m sure he/she has already taken into account all the memories, money, time, etc spent together with the original partner…and still decide to leave.
The change of heart didn’t happen overnight.
When a bride/groom says the phrases of the above wedding vow, it’s likely that he/she means it at that point in time. But once again, people change, make mistakes, are fickle-minded, don’t know what they don’t know–all the time. Against this backdrop, the choice to leave or stay speaks volumes about the priorities of the person.
My ideal sort of love should get stronger with time. I wouldn’t want an unchanging type of love because I think that’s super unhealthy. And for love that gets weaker…erm…well I guess I’d do my best to make it stronger, via good communication with my partner? And if it doesn’t happen, then we’d find alternatives, especially when children are involved?
All in all, is it not natural to understand that no love is constant at all times, except perhaps mummy’s love?