Hello! Tonight’s post is on The Playboy’s Guidebook: how to delude, and how not to be deluded.
Let’s first define “a playboy”. If you look at this list, you’d realize that there are various definitions to the term. Most of the definitions state “financial wealth” as a prerequisite to being a “playboy”. This however, is something which I strongly disagree with, because I came to Finland and made some guy friends who are playboys AND poor !
I actually like talking to playboys because they have the same passion as me: public relations. Playboys know what makes the masses tick. Come to think of it, I do have a lot of playboy friends from vast nations: Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, Germany, The Philippines, Finland, Sweden, Norway, South Africa, South Korea, etc. In addition, I think I easily get close to playboys because every time I spot one, I will re-frame their view of me as a “sister”, not a “potential”. So our conversation becomes like “Hey bro, what’s up!” or “Look at that lady, bro! She’s so pretty! ♥”
It is however not fun when a good female friend of yours becomes a target of a playboy, and cannot get out of his spell of delusion. It is even worse when as a friend, I can spot exactly what he has done to her mind, but can’t do anything about it. So I think this blog post would help ladies to protect themselves.
I’d go with this Collins dictionary definition of a “playboy”:
“a man, esp. a man of means, who is given to pleasure-seeking, sexual promiscuity, etc.”
A man of “means” could include “being well-versed to mind-f*ck a girl” too. You get my drift 😉 So today I will tell you:
- How playboys cast their spells; and
- How to protect yourself against them.
Remember that the playboy will never commit to you, because by definition, a playboy cannot and will not commit.
I. How playboys cast their spells.
My friends know that I have a huge fascination with human beings. I love mapping out the thought processes of people. Contrary to the popular belief that human beings are complicated creatures, I think human beings are easy to analyze, even those “emotional” ones. And the best thing is that behaviors/emotions/soft spots are consistent and they repeat.
The trick is to listen closely to the girl, and then map out her thought processes.
You see, being a successful playboy has nothing to do with looks, but everything to do with how well he listens to the girl. Now, playboys ALL do this very well. There is a separate set of rules for playgirls, but pray tell–why would I blog about it? HAHAHA. #gosisters
ALL playboys cast their spells in 3 steps:
- Step #1: Listen very carefully to the girl and give her all your attention intensively for a particular period of time. Find out about (A) her likes and dislikes; (B) Her ideals.
Implication for ladies: This means that you shouldn’t let ANY GUY read your diary, if you do keep one! Usually a playboy would ask to read your diary, by telling you “I want to read your diary because I want to know you more intimately, and be the only guy in the world who knows you deeply.” They want to read your diary to know your ideals and what you like/dislike, as diary-reading is the fastest way to find out.
For this reason, you should only let a guy read your diary after he commits to something BIG–such as, buying you a house or marrying you, haha!
- Step #2: Use authoritative words of approval to confirm her likes and dislikes. Now, the trick to this is that you have to be sincere. For example, if you find out that she likes cats, instead of saying,
“Aw yes, cats are adorable!”;
Playboys would say,
“I like the way you like cats–that is so adorable!”
Get the difference? The first statement focuses on the phenomenon of adorable cats–anybody can say it.
The second statement however, focuses on the special girl. In addition, it focuses on how “I like” the way this special girl likes cats. Therefore, the playboy and the girl both share a common special thing, even if the playboy does not like cats at all.
In fact the cat is irrelevant, because of the way this expression is framed.
Now, Finns even raise this to a higher level, because as I’d mentioned in this post, there is an approval function in the Finnish language–“Hyväksyä“. This is translated to “I approve”. If you sweet-talk a girl long enough with “Hyväksyä“, I assure you that she’d be seeking out your approval soon, without even knowing it.
- Step 3: Act like her ideal. Now, because the playboy would have found out what the girl’s ideals are, he can basically be a metaphor of it. This means that if the girl’s ideal is a caring guy who loves cats, a playboy can act like it. Anyway, a playboy would regard it as “fun” to act like the girl’s ideal for a short period of time, because it’s something new and fun!
So you see, most playboys repeat these three steps on any girl they target.
How not to be deluded.
So the next question is, after spotting all these, how can you not be deluded by the playboy?
You see, a playboy has successfully mastered “The art of being vague”. Once you take your relationship with him seriously, you lose.
And how do you see through “The art of being vague”? It is to learn to distinguish between “What is” and “What should be”.
- “What is” refers to the present, basically FACTS. This means refocusing your thoughts to the present, and observing what he is doing for you in the present, how long you have been together, and actual commitment level.
- “What should be” refers to the future. Well the playboy would always use optimistic terms that appeal directly to the girl’s ideals. They have the ability to do this even after say, 1 week of dating the girl. This means promising grandiose…air. For instance,
–“When we get married I’d want a two-storey house with you, and in our house we will have a cat and really cute curtains”;
–“When are you going to bring me to see your parents?”
The idea is to statements vague, so as to keep the girl hopeful.
Now, vague statements are not lies. What however, is dangerous about being vague is that it creates a thin line between hope and delusion.
And how do you distinguish between hope and delusion? It’s simply keeping yourself grounded with taking note of “what is”.
For example, if a guy tells you “I will stop contacting my ex-girlfriend soon“, and after 1 year he is still contacting her, then you know that you’re being deluded instead of hopeful, no?
Aiyah. To sum up, the main idea ultimately (and sadly) is that–
Playboys are successful, because ladies/girls just want to see whatever they want to see. People in general want to believe in whatever they want to believe in. These folks operate in the realm of “should be”, not “what is”.
Having said that however, I really am not against people who are deluded. Because remember, the line between delusion and optimism only lies in whether words/vision/promises can be backed up with actual action?
So I’d encourage this (deluded) precious lady to simply dump the playboy, and look for a guy who is indeed able to back up what he promises, with actual action.
Trust me–Playboys who try to mind-f*ck girls with empty promises are pretty useless, or really immature. The more professional, promiscuous guys actually do tell the lady not to treat the relationship seriously, without any promises of commitment.
So don’t be silly! Learn to spot these and protect yourself! 🙂